It's not uncommon for a young girl to have a crush on another girl whom she admires, which doesn't mean she is gay.

In addition, nowadays older children and young adults are more gender fluid, thinking their gender and whom they love may be a choice, not a biological imperative. Her next crush might be male or trans.

If her father's family does find out, I would:

1. Downplay the relationship as a girl crush, and tell him/them, not to make a big deal about a passing fancy that is really just a special friendship (which is all the relationship SHOULD be at age 13.)

2. Warn him/them that if they comment or judge, they might drive her into a defensive stance on her sexuality, which causes her to dig her heels into believing she's gay, which is definitely not what he/they want.

3. Tell him/them that if they are critical instead of supportive, she might choose not to spend time with them, and you won't force her to visit.

In the meantime, keep your and her focus on being a thirteen-year-old, and a KID. Girls are already sexualized into thinking they need to grow up too soon.

Think of how you'd react if she was in a relationship with a boy. Would you allow them to date? Be alone together? Kiss and be more physical? While you don't have to worry about pregnancy (thank goodness!) the boundaries should be the same, regardless of gender.

Debra Holland, M.S., Ph.D, M.F.T