I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. Thank you for sharing about the week of his dying and how you, your family, and friends celebrated with him. So very special. You are a wonderful mother. Reading your account brought tears to my eyes.

As a psychotherapist and crisis/grief counselor and for the sake of others who might face the dying and death of a loved one, I’d like to add a few things to your excellent and important list. Preface the “I/We will be okay” with some form or variation of, “We’re going to miss you so much, and we will never stop loving you. We’ll/I’ll be all right. You can go/leave/die.” Or, “It’s okay to leave. We will be okay/all right.” Repetition, like you did, is also so important.

If you and/or the dying person is spiritual, (and dying is usually a spiritual time), I’d also add, “When you’re ready, step out of your body, and go to the light. Name(s)/relationship(s) will be waiting for you.” Depending on your religious beliefs, you might add, “Angels will guide/help you” and other comforting images.

Jennifer, you are embarking on a lifelong grief journey. If you don’t already know, Compassionate Friends, is an organization that supports families who’ve lost a child, no matter his or her age.

I wish you and your family comfort and strength as you mourn the loss of your son.

Debra Holland, Ph.D, author of The Essential Guide to Grief and Grieving